Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally (to be drunk in love with you) even when you’re not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.
We’ve become such a love dominated culture, (like the song Beyoncé sung: “Drunk In Love”) it has caused us to think that love should be free, but respect should be earned. Instead, what men need is to be respected unconditionally. Not respect that they have to earn, but respect that flows freely (like wine) from the heart of his wife. Respect for who they are ( as your husband) apart from what they do.
Noticed that one of the main biblical passages on marriage-in Ephesians 5-never tells the wife to love her husband, and it never tells a husband to respect his wife (because men and women are wired differently). Instead, over and over, it urges the husband to love his wife and urges the wife to respect her husband and his leadership. The reason for this is because each gender responds to their greatest need. Men need respect. Women need love.Women often tend to want to control things, which, unfortunately, men tend to interpret as disrespect or distrust. Marriage is about putting the other person’s needs above your own, and it does miraculous things for your marriage, when your man knows that you are choosing to trust and honor him. In other words, he will become drunk in love with you.
It’s your choice and that reveals the most important aspect of demonstrating respect. It is a choice. It’s a choice that you make out of reverence for God and love for your husbands. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, NIV).
Now I want to tell you three ways you can respect your husband.
1. Respect his judgment: Men were really touchy about this! A man deeply needs the woman in his life to respect his knowledge, opinions, and decisions-what I would call his judgments. This does not mean that you cannot share in the decision making, but after you e shared, leave the finale decision to your husband. Following, many men wish their mates would just quietly support them. Questioned their knowledge or arguing with their decisions all the time, is a touchy thing, and communicates to your husband that you do not respect him or trust him. If you want your man to be drunk in love with you, trust his judgements.
2. Respect his abilities: Another thing that will cause your man to be drunk in love with you is to let him figure things out for himself. Men are problem solvers by nature, and if they can figure things out for themselves, they feel like they have conquered something, and are affirmed as a man. Men love spending hours figuring out how to operate a new piece of technology, navigating their way through a new city without asking for directions, or installing something new. It makes them feel strong and empowered. Problem is, you might want to help your man-and guess how he interprets that? You got it: distrust. It is important that you allow your man to work on solving problems alone. Even if he is failing miserably. Learn to be patient and celebrate his successes. Complement his achievements and ignore his failures (near misses). In this way, he will see that absolutely trust him, and become drunk in love with you.
3. Respectfully communicate with him: Women hold an incredible power in the way that they communicate with men-both husbands and sons. You can either build them up on the tear them down. You can encourage or discourage. Somethings just push a man’s button. This goes way beyond what you say-such as questioning his abilities-into how you say it.
Avoid being harsh: Never yell. Speak to your husband, or son, in a gentle tone of voice. If you speak to them in a harsh tone, it will appear that you are nagging and being disrespectful.
1 Peter 3:4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God (NLT).
Avoid asking your husband, does he know how to do a thing? It sounds as if you are saying that you are unsure about it his abilities. Instead, tell him that the problem is too difficult for you to solve. Express your confidence in him. For example, if your car is on a flat, express your confidence in him. Say something like: “I need my man to do this for me. You can solve any problem. I’m leaving this in your hands because I have confidence in you. You always take such good care of me. I trust you.”
If you would use these words with unconditional respect, your husband will feel affirmed as a man, and be drunk in love with you.